Messages come thru intermittently and if I don't write them out quickly I lose them.
Blank.
Such a blank.
I mean its getting really empty in here now!
Not a spark..... No creative gift even tho I've been giftedly creative all my life. I can't draw, I can't cook.... I can't sew, I can't make a video to save my life. It's like "I" am gone.... but I'm still here and obviously alive.
Restless!!!
Urgent!
No where to go with it.
Nothing will work. So I do not engage. Not because I've "given up" but because I know, I can tell, I feel it! I've had enough experience with "work" and "won't work" to know the difference! Yes experience!!! Not books or videos!
The only physical outlet for the past couple of days has been coloring in some scribbles I... well, scribbled.
I used to make beautiful pieces! This.... not so much. Busy work.
Sleep.
Take off.
Meditate into the lucid state.
Sandra Walter's Ascension Path Guided Activation is POWERFUL! (Guided Activation)
But even without it, sleeping will allow me into the spirit state, and that is the safest, most productive place to be for me right now.
This is the work.
That works.
Five major joint structures are painful - hips, shoulders, knees. Mostly left knee, right shoulder.
Have random very strange sensations in my lungs. This one is new.
During my last "activation" listening to Sandra's guided meditation I stopped breathing toward the end and really startled myself! LMAO
I can't feel food very often lately. Fruit yesterday was like Manna!!! Coffee. Water. Everything else..... bleh.
My dog is having similar symptoms.... Well, weak hips and legs. We share a very strange linkage he and I! I learn much from him.
I am fading away. And I'm really beginning to be ok with that.
Nothing matters. Love matters.
My ego/mind doesn't have near the power of control it did even a year ago.
I've worked my ass off to get here.
It's a strange place, that most really think they want but don't even have the balls to do what it takes to get here, much less do they understand what this place really is!
It's Bizzarro Land!!!
Do not judge another's path.
Comment on it, observe it, critique it! But don't pass judgement... Because you really really really don't know what the fuck you're talking about if you do!!! REALLY! I don't fit in ANYWHERE! And I've had to learn to embrace that. Find the treasures, the wisdom, the purpose, the freedom, and the power in that. Lose the pain, the attitudes, the disappointments, and discouragements.
I've had to learn "to be" . . . nothing. And be not only OK with that, but be in love with that!
That.... is godhood.
Giving up the millenia of ego encoding that insists on what it means to be alive and human and successful..... In exchange for the truth. For god.
There is no "path" to god.
There is only becoming god.
God becoming you.... Integration. Unity. Singularity. One.
It's not what you think. It's not even what you think it is when you KNOW it's not what you think...!
Nothing matters anymore!!!
Love matters.
Blank.
Such a blank.
I mean its getting really empty in here now!
Not a spark..... No creative gift even tho I've been giftedly creative all my life. I can't draw, I can't cook.... I can't sew, I can't make a video to save my life. It's like "I" am gone.... but I'm still here and obviously alive.
Restless!!!
Urgent!
No where to go with it.
Nothing will work. So I do not engage. Not because I've "given up" but because I know, I can tell, I feel it! I've had enough experience with "work" and "won't work" to know the difference! Yes experience!!! Not books or videos!
The only physical outlet for the past couple of days has been coloring in some scribbles I... well, scribbled.
I used to make beautiful pieces! This.... not so much. Busy work.
Sleep.
Take off.
Meditate into the lucid state.
Sandra Walter's Ascension Path Guided Activation is POWERFUL! (Guided Activation)
But even without it, sleeping will allow me into the spirit state, and that is the safest, most productive place to be for me right now.
This is the work.
That works.
Five major joint structures are painful - hips, shoulders, knees. Mostly left knee, right shoulder.
Have random very strange sensations in my lungs. This one is new.
During my last "activation" listening to Sandra's guided meditation I stopped breathing toward the end and really startled myself! LMAO
I can't feel food very often lately. Fruit yesterday was like Manna!!! Coffee. Water. Everything else..... bleh.
My dog is having similar symptoms.... Well, weak hips and legs. We share a very strange linkage he and I! I learn much from him.
I am fading away. And I'm really beginning to be ok with that.
Nothing matters. Love matters.
My ego/mind doesn't have near the power of control it did even a year ago.
I've worked my ass off to get here.
It's a strange place, that most really think they want but don't even have the balls to do what it takes to get here, much less do they understand what this place really is!
It's Bizzarro Land!!!
Do not judge another's path.
Comment on it, observe it, critique it! But don't pass judgement... Because you really really really don't know what the fuck you're talking about if you do!!! REALLY! I don't fit in ANYWHERE! And I've had to learn to embrace that. Find the treasures, the wisdom, the purpose, the freedom, and the power in that. Lose the pain, the attitudes, the disappointments, and discouragements.
I've had to learn "to be" . . . nothing. And be not only OK with that, but be in love with that!
That.... is godhood.
Giving up the millenia of ego encoding that insists on what it means to be alive and human and successful..... In exchange for the truth. For god.
There is no "path" to god.
There is only becoming god.
God becoming you.... Integration. Unity. Singularity. One.
It's not what you think. It's not even what you think it is when you KNOW it's not what you think...!
Nothing matters anymore!!!
Love matters.
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